The humidity doesn't weigh you down. The rain does not lash you. The snow does not chill you to the bone. In this city of everything, you feel nothing. The noises, the smells, the sounds are all drowned in a blandness so powerful that you've begun to forget. Forget all the little dramas and the longings. Forget all the insignificant banter and chatter. Forget all the silences and the speeches.
Slowly but surely, all that you held close is slipping away. Distance, time, call it what you may, are taking a toll on the relationships. the things that seemed so real a decade ago, even a year ago seem unreal, blanketed by the ever thickening layer of dust. You try to blow it away but only end up in coughing fits. You dont understand the need to hold on to the past. It never bothered you before, did it? So why the newfound retrospection? Why the urge to go back and pull the discarded pages out of the past?
You don't know the answer, only the questions. All you know is that you're spending long hours picking out the pivotal moments. Moments that could have made your present go in a different direction. You linger on them. Then you move on to imagine the multiple futures that you could've had - in effect hating your present. No, not hate. That is too strong an emotion. Indifferent - that's the word you want. You float along the time river, waiting for the edge of the waterfall...
