Thursday, November 22, 2012

Forgetful


Do you compare notes?
Do you accuse me of negligence?
Do you pity me?
Or do you seek vengeance?

Some of you were discarded,
Out of callousness I confess.
Others willfully destroyed
To keep my self from becoming a mess.

But some of you slipped away when I wasn't looking.
You, I didn't mean to lose.
I needed you but you left,
Each time it was a new bruise.

Dear memories, bitter and sweet,
False and true, happy and morose.
I do feel the emptiness when you leave
When you walk away silently or slam the door close.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Lost in Articulation


***WARNING*** This post also strives to be a part of the "I need to write SOMETHING" series. It falls slightly short and rather awkwardly on its face by becoming only a string of mostly unrelated and almost certainly (what does that even mean?) incoherent sentences. You are obviously reading at your own risk but the question is - why?

Articulation is defined as "The action of putting into words an idea or feeling of a specified type" by one or the other online dictionaries which abound on the interweb (yes, because interweb is way cooler than internet (because one is in reference to the cunning device spun out of the glands of an arachnid and the other is to the cunning device developed by the humans to catch the pisces). Also, since I learnt the tips and tricks of googling, and managed to remember only that define: fetches the meanings for the word from one or the other online dictionaries which abound on the interweb, I've been doing it with gay abandon.

The point that I've been meandering my way to, is this - I've lost all sense of articulation. One look at the previous post will tell you as much. I started out with an agenda in mind but by the time I was done writing, I was left wondering what on Earth I was smoking (It is a metaphor, I don't smoke. I'm a mind-numbingly goody two shoes person. I clarify a lot, sorry. I also apologize a lot, sorry.)

Hence I decided, solely for my benefit, to try and pinpoint where exactly this loss occurred. Turns out it wasn't thievery, I seem to have lost the ability all on my own.

Level of articulation in "I Just Learned Forming Words" era : "Mommmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Cart wheel toe owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" (I wasn't injured while doing a cartwheel (although I could have been), but a cart wheel rolled over my tiny toe).

Level of articulation in "Words Are Fun" era : "You shouldn't hit me. I've heart disease. When I run very fast, I become breathless and my heart pounds like anything" (This to a bully who stole (or rather forced me to give up) my food and threatened fellow students with dire consequences if her targets (there were quite a few of us) were allowed to leave the classroom during the recess without her permission. It ended when she was transferred to another class because some of the  targets' parents had words with the teachers. It was a short episode and I probably wasn't scarred for life).

Level of articulation in "OHMYGOD ILOVETHEDICTIONARY" era : "...This parvenu was flung into the limelight and this caused inexplicable paroxysms in the intelligentsia, not to mention the aphorisms he helped spin..." (Do I even need explain this? I took the teacher's "five words from the dictionary each day" quite seriously and plunged headlong into a life riddled with (long) moments of debating with oneself if a thing was (or was not) a catachresis).

Level of articulation in "English Is No More A Real Subject" era : "... Giggle giggle giggle... Formula for calculating the attenuation in fiber optics is... Oh God! The lousy lecturer is allowing us to bunk classes. How lame. Let's go lunch outside... Giggle giggle giggle... Oh Man! I misplaced the microcontroller chip again. My lab partner will murder me..."

Level of articulation, present day : "That is so...."
Suggestion 1 : "Infuriating?"
"No."
Suggestion 2 : "Frustrating?"
"No. No."
Suggestion 3 : "I give up."
"Dumb! That's the word was looking for!"

Hand to God, if the verbal skills deteriorate any further, I'll have to wire the jaws shut and explain via the medium of pen and paper that the vestigial organ previously known as my mouth was causing a lot of problems by getting my foot in it all the time. Also, I really need to learn to finish sentences. The "let it hang in the air" only works if both the parties involved understand the... the... *Oh man!*

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Just a lot of #meh


I've about a million (Okay, okay, ten (Fine! Five (Will you leave me alone if I say three?))) tracks running in my head. Of course, being a slightly (more) aware human, I also know that this is the case with majority of the population (Unless you're the brilliant one-track mind minority (Or worse, a hundred million tracks (Sidebar: not those tracks) kinda person)). So, while I could choose to write about "Why I hate being around sensitive people" or a follow up to that "My mean streak is getting weaker" or a thought provoking (You know provoking the kind of thoughts that would endanger my life because you would want to throw bricks at me for spouting utterly useless opinions) piece about "Is the opposition's job to oppose everything?", I will write about the concept of "Hell and worse than hell".

At some point in the first year of our plus two (First PUC/Eleventh grade/so on and so forth) we had a hindi chapter titled Mein narak se bol raha hoon. The lecturer decided to gauge what we thought of the hell/heaven concept.

This lecturer had also asked us, as part of the introductory exercise, what we wanted to become in the near future. While everyone else replied with "Brain surgeon" or "Software programmer" (yeah, I know) or something similar, I replied with "A better human being" (Yes, THAT was how lost and clueless I was in plus two (Please go ahead and tell me you were too, just to make me feel better)) and I'm still striving and failing. This little paragraph has no relation to what I actually want to write about (Are you sensing a pattern yet?).

Anyway, returning to the other question - What did we, with all the wisdom of seventeen years, think hell was. One of the girls (the kind whose brain matches her face (in a good way)) said "Bihar". I turned around and gave her a rather incredulous look. At the age of seventeen, pretty much sheltered from the outside world and knowing Bihar as only the state somewhere in Eastern India, the idea of a place on Earth which was equivalent to fire pits of the netherworld was difficult to digest. I understood the terrible law and order situation there (Dad still loves to talk politics with me) but I had faith in humanity. Certainly the world couldn't be such a terrible place, could it? That optimism was broken again and again and then some more.

A war here, a war there. Women unsafe everywhere. Economies crashing. Nut-job politicians, their scams and their insensitive statements which make people wish for authoritarian rule (I've heard more than a few people for it and my arguments for democracy always end up ringing hollow at some level). Escapism helps but just for a while. You could stop reading the paper, stop watching the telly, shut down your computer/smart phone and ignore social networking sites, turn into a monk (not the kind who teaches yoga and accepts ridiculous amounts of dakshina) or a nun. But you can't escape the horribleness of human existence. Which leads to the question - will hell, very neatly described in most of the religious doctrines, be much worse than some places on Earth? I belong to the group of people who are brought up by religious parents but who have been given the liberty of selectively ignoring some aspects of it (not too loudly or too openly, mind) so I would have to say - hell no.

I like keeping conversations light, these days. I used to freak people out by asking gory details. Turns out you lose friends with/without asking for details but hey, why make people uncomfortable by talking when you can do that with silence? If this seems off topic - I don't understand much of how the world functions, or which country owes which other country how much money, or which country's bad karma came back to bite it but when I do discuss it with people who seem to understand quite a bit of all these things, it paints a bleaker picture than before.

Some three-four years ago, my funny bone became elastic and tightened around my jugular because of which I lost most of my sense of humour and now I only think of terrible things happening all around. A few years since the QLC but its after-effects are still in the process of wearing out. So, try not to mind the ramblings. They'll keep coming of course. But try not to mind them.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Charmed

I seem to lead a charmed life because that's the life I chose. It wasn't always and it might not be in the future. I've always had responsibilities and I still do (sleeping three hours a day for two months, working full-time shifts, paying my way through college and still getting a distinction are only minor hiccups, I realize). Everyone has problems. Not everyone is privileged. So, you can say that you've suffered more than others. But you cannot claim that statement to be always true. I know it is tempting to say "mine is bigger than yours," but in Wil W's words, try not to be a d!ck about it.

Friday, October 5, 2012

One from the archives

The they-sound-like-sentences-but-let-me-know-what-they-are-if-you-figure-it-out thingamajigs that follow were posted in the blog forum that shall (or shall not (yeah, you get the drill of cancelling out the two negatives (ooh, spoiler! - negative to follow 8-)))) not be named. Now, this was a coupla years back, so I've no idea which one of my (non-existent (I like to maintain that there are three (but the third one always disagrees and says it is only one))) split personalities took over while writing this.


Do you require? Jan. 5th, 2010
----------------------- ---------------------

"Do you require?",
We happened to enquire.

"Hmm? Let me think..
Blue or Pink?"

A few days later..

"Yes, we do require..
A blue one please, sire"

"Blue it is then..
You need it by when?"

"As soon as possible..
We think it's quite achievable"
"Here work with these..
Special imported geese"

"But these geese are not ours..
We can't even match the hours"

"Matching hours will be a breeze..
Here's the requirements freeze"

A few more days later..

"There is a lot of trouble..
The geese tend to bumble..
The blue looks violet..
Soon it'll be scarlet"

"The geese shall stay..
Do as you may"
"Add some vanilla..
Put it in a manila..
Then shake well and see..
Blue it shall be"

"Why have the geese then?
We can make do with the hen"

"The geese are our pet..
See that the requirements are met"

A few more days later..

"What have you given us?!
All this terrible muss"

"You wanted to keep the geese..
We begged you, we said please"
"You wouldn't listen..
Now to blame us you hasten"

"Blamed you shall be..
No future you shall see"

At which point a hen,
Who was irate by then
Spoke thus..
"Profanities and cuss..
How dare you accuse me..
I demand to be set free"

"Free you we cannot..
Your soul has been bought..
For ten gallons of tea..
You shall serve all the biscuits that be"

"You are the fruitcakes of yore..
Burden of the beasts who bore..
Yet remained loyally at their feet..
Bearing the unbearable heat"

"Go tend to your flock..
The geese are running amok..
They already killed the blue..
Now they are coming after you"

A few more days later..

You shall find out a few more days later..

(As we did find out a full year later...)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Outlander


Smack that all on the floor. Smack that give me some more, Akon was blaring in the background and she was singing along and swaying away.

"Do you have any idea how grotesque this is? I am already beginning to feel the scars which will last for a lifetime," her friend looked at her admonishingly.

"I'm allowed to listen to sucky music and get drunk. I'm heartbroken," the last line was played out with enough drama to shame Cordelia.

"No, you're not. It was one date."

"Oh, but you didn't meet him. He was out of this world!"

"Enough with the exaggerations! What did go wrong if he was indeed Mr. Wonderful?"

"I have no idea. Wait, on second thoughts, he probably just wanted someone with bigger-"

"Okay, you've reached your booze limit. Dirty talk doesn't really become you."

She looked strangely at her friend, "What?" And then it dawned on her, "Oh." And after a fair bit of giggling, "Not that you oaf. I meant bigger brains, or maybe three."

"Right."

"I mean it. He was rather perfect."

"So, call him."

She staggered to a chair and meanwhile Ke$ha began to tick tock, "And where exactly on this godforsaken planet, at this unearthly hour do you expect me to find a satellite phone? Besides he lives too far, could be travelling, not good enough reception."

Her friend took that to mean that she was blabbering, which meant she would be back to normal in a while, "You need satellite phone, eh? Fine, don't call. But for the love of all that is holy, please turn the music down. I don't think it's helping"

"But it is. Listening to it is so painful, it lessens the feeling of having to deal with a pulverized blood-pumping organ."

"What could you have possibly done in that one hour - during which I know for a fact that you were in a very public place - that you've been left, quite literally, senseless?"

"Oh, we just talked. It was cute. We didn't even speak the same language."

"How did you talk, then?"

"He gave me a babel fish."

"May I please have a look at what you've been guzzling down?"

"No, you may not. I would show you his picture, but he has no digital footprint."

"Is that what you talked about? No wonder he didn't call."

"No silly, I googled him. Zero digital footprint. How could he have any? He's out of this world. Sigh."

"You do realize that you just said sigh? What was his name, anway?"

"Oh it was difficult to pronounce. A series of clickety-clacks and coughs. Apparently the parents named him after the place where he was conceived. It was sweet."

"Aren't you all about sweet and cute tonight?"

"Hey, I just remembered! I did click a picture of him on the cell. Heeeeeeeeeere it is," and she passed on the phone to her friend.

"Good God! But it has three heads!"

"Not it, he. He has three heads. I told you he was out of this world."

"You weren't kidding."

"No, I wasn't. Sigh."

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bland


The humidity doesn't weigh you down. The rain does not lash you. The snow does not chill you to the bone. In this city of everything, you feel nothing. The noises, the smells, the sounds are all drowned in a blandness so powerful that you've begun to forget. Forget all the little dramas and the longings. Forget all the insignificant banter and chatter. Forget all the silences and the speeches.

Slowly but surely, all that you held close is slipping away. Distance, time, call it what you may, are taking a toll on the relationships. the things that seemed so real a decade ago, even a year ago seem unreal, blanketed by the ever thickening layer of dust. You try to blow it away but only end up in coughing fits. You dont understand the need to hold on to the past. It never bothered you before, did it? So why the newfound retrospection? Why the urge to go back and pull the discarded pages out of the past?

You don't know the answer, only the questions. All you know is that you're spending long hours picking out the pivotal moments. Moments that could have made your present go in a different direction. You linger on them. Then you move on to imagine the multiple futures that you could've had - in effect hating your present. No, not hate. That is too strong an emotion. Indifferent - that's the word you want. You float along the time river, waiting for the edge of the waterfall...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Asking you to stay..

"I'm flying out today."

"Good for you."

"Will you miss me?"

"I knew you were going to leave. You don't belong here."

"No, I don't. See you in another life."

He spread his wings and flew away. The halo faded.

She flushed a deeper crimson and walked away. The horns flickered and extinguished.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Parted

I'm stuck on the idea of you
You can laugh but it's true
The higher I aim, the shorter I fall
The faster I run, the slower I crawl

It used to be enough to know
To listlessly walk to and fro
To sing the imagined sorrows
To want the imagined morrows

The worst is past
But a shadow it has cast
As strangers we part
From the end to the start


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I don't believe in Kismet but there certainly are connections



Stardust and moonlight. Dwarf and elf.
You have become a caricature of your former self.
Drifting in time. Drifting in space.
Caught in the maddening, never-ending race.


Long time, no see. Long time no? See. Long time? No, see. Okay, I'll stop. But this is what happens. I'm sitting there, minding no business (my own business == no business), a nice little idea pops itself into my head and becomes comfortable. Then my brain detects the foreign presence and goes, "Hey! That's a nice little idea. I must blog about it." Then, I alight from the vehicle/finish watching what I was watching/finish reading what I was reading/finish making what I was making.. you get the gist, and the nice little idea pops itself out of my head just as easily, almost as if it were saying "Cheerio! Don't mind me. Just passing through." So, there I am, sitting in front of the laptop (which could give the Ramapithecus/Australopithecus/All-other-pithecuses a run for their money in just being extremely primate), trying hard to remember the bleeding nice little idea. And of course I can't (not for the lack of trying because I end up giving myself headaches with all the thinking (in hindsight, it could be because of the long overdue visit to the optometrist (about which I tweet regularly))), and hence, I end up writing things like the first few lines of this post.

Now that we have that out of our way (I had to explain that (sorry)), more unnecessary rambles coming up (hey, don't look at me, you sealed your fate by reading beyond the first line word syllable letter).

It all started when I was a kid (not all the lunacy and confusedness. That's relatively recent. I'll get to the "it" sometime in the near future, if you haven't managed to fall asleep), like really tiny, dedh footiya type. I did not like trucks and would count all the trucks that passed by (okay, maybe that was a wrong anecdote to prove the previous parenthesis (but I wasn't proving the previous parenthesis (hence proved(?)))) and once in while I took a break from all the counting and set about finding connections between people (not in a "OhMyGodIAmAGeniusLookWhatIFound" (in other words Touch) way but a "Hmm, so my uncle is related to my aunt and my aunt is related to my cousin so my cousin must be related to my uncle" (yes, that's an exaggeration and no, I wasn't that slow)) kinda way.

Anyway, the point is the whole six degrees of separation and some recent study going "it's way less than six", sometimes ends up giving me the creeps. Sample this:

"Hey, how do you know xyz?"

"School-mate. You know xyz, how?"

"Boss's spouse."

"Hmm."

So, this person who addressed me as Farex (I've had a string of weird "pet" names including Faraday, Ferrari, Faro (which ended up sounding like Paro) but more on that some other time) is now married to a friend's boss. Hmm. On the surface it isn't creepy, but underneath the "Hmm", you have all the past life skeletons ready to tumble out (for someone who has zero skeletons (people wanting to call me one really haven't seen me in a long time or have lost all sense of reality), I am paranoid. I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it.. so on and so forth till I've said it a million times)

Then there are the "bumped into" moments.

"Hey guess who I bumped into?"

"Obviously we know a lot of common people and I cannot be expected to pick one out of them, so spare me the drama and tell me whom did you bump into?"

"And they call me drama queen *eye-roll*. Bumped into xyz1."

"Oh. How is xyz1?"

"Doing okay apparently. Didja know xyz1 went to abc and abc1? Planning to settle down in abc2."

"Good for xyz1. Hmm."

This whole "bumped into" is just pure evil. It starts innocently enough but soon starts going into gossip mode. As much as I would love saying I'm not a gossip-monger, I am as guilty as the next person claiming that. Now, I don't mind bumping into people, but more often than not, it serves nobody's purpose. Except gossip's.

"OhMiGodIt'sYou!"

"Oh hi!"

"Long time."

"Too long"

"How have you been?"

"How have you been?"

"Good."

"Good."

"We should catch up sometime."

"Totally. I need to get going or I'll end up missing <insert random activity here>. But it was good to see you."

"You too. Bye."

"Bye."

And we part ways without having exchanged numbers/mail ids/any other form of contact. But we geniuses promise to meet up the next time we "bump into" each other, again.

I end your agony here by summarising (yes!). So, in summary, most people are nice, from a distance. Everyone gossips (my version of "Everybody lies") and everyone is not necessarily evil for doing that. This is the age of the shrink (no, not the psychiatrist/psychologist (honestly, who gets the difference between the two? I know it on a pedagogical level but honestly...) but the verb). The world is shrinking and my ivory tower looks smaller each time I view it from the outside (which requires astral projection but we won't get into that at this late hour). Maybe an asteroid won't bump into Earth and wipe us out, maybe all of us will just start bumping into each other all the time and that will be the end of that.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Of this that and laces


Chantilly lace and a pretty face
And a pony tail hangin' down
A wiggle in the walk and a giggle in the talk
Make the world go 'round.


Well, not exactly laces. There are also edgings and borders and other flowery, girly stuff. So, all ye men, please do not go any further, if you are not a big fan of girl/flower power. Girls, ladies, men who can stomach reading rambling posts about "cute" and "pretty" and "laces", dive in.

Little less than a year ago, I visited Mumbai and as happens whenever I visit the place that I love calling my home-town (although we moved out of there ages ago), I picked up a ton of beautiful stuff, some of which you see below. Rest of it, mom used up (Thank God/ any other super-entity/ force of nature/ you get the drift). A friend has been asking me to show her the stuff I got and I forget to show it to her every time she visits. So this one is for you, Ash. Talk of Kinari Bazaar on my Twitter timeline reminded me of the gorgeous collection in the by-lanes of aamchi Mumbai and hence this post. There's Crawford market, Nakhuda and another million places which I do not know of. What you see below though, I found in obscure galis* near Bhindi Bazaar.

This first one is a combo of one wide and another thin lace. This goes on a ghagra* and its top, or on what we call rida*. had to use the camera flash for this one.


Below one is close-up, without the flash (this is closer to the actual colour. Will try updating with better pics if n when I get time)


Next one is my favourite. It's jute and I absolutely love the colours. No flash here. Hence blurry.



The one below is rather ethnic and what you might call bridal wear when teamed with those flowers. Of course, this is only the lace and to make the lehenga* truly bridal, a lot of thread-work is recommended :)





This one below, I am not a big fan of, but mom is. It does have some appeal. Looks like appliqué* work.




Next one is just too golden for my taste.


Rest of the ones below are minor bling.






gali - lane
ghagra/lehenga - skirt or the bottom half of the Ghagra Choli
rida - an entirely different, colourful version of the Burqa
appliqué - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Applique

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Submerged

Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for?


My first Adventura trip was the wonderful scuba diving experience. I'm not a water baby - in fact I'm a million miles from being a water person and prefer staying that distance on most days. Parents did enroll me into swimming classes one summer when I was less than half the height that I'm now. I promptly put on my life jacket and refused to budge out of it, preferring to float and left the actual swimming business to my also-dedh-footiya* friend. I will learn swimming one day. The day just isn't tomorrow.

So, my point being, I prefer being on top (er.. top of the water). But I do love the beaches (more on that some other time). This one trip attracted me with the line, No swimming skills required.

The trip started on Friday night when we met at the designated pick up spot and entered the sleeper coach(?) bus. There were two birthdays the next day and to kill time till 00:00 hours,
we did a super-fun intro round. Everyone was friendly and encouraging. At twelve o'clock we surprised the kids (Well, anyone less than twenty five qualifies to be called that) with yummy cakes.

Roads were bumpy all the way but I'm ready to sacrifice a night (or two) of sleep, provided I can stretch around and relieve my back from taking the brunt of the pain. We arrived early in the morning (the drive took around nine and a half hours) at Murudeshwara which is a town in Bhatkal Taluk, Uttara Kannada district, Karnataka, India. We barely had the time to freshen up and then we were on our way! A motor boat took us from the beach to the Netrani island. This took about one and a half hour and the two instructors from the Dreamz-Diving training camp explained some of the rules, dos and do nots during the boat ride.

Once we were there, we got to snorkel a bit with life jackets and the snorkelling apparatus. Then the diving began. Tip - wear light clothing or clothing that doesn't get heavy when soaked in water. The scuba apparatus was put on and we were thrown (quite literally) into the water one after another. There was one scuba instructor per person. I got the one with the camera and managed to click a few underwater shots (\m/). The experienced people were probably allowed to move around on their own but I held onto my instructor for dear life. He did let go of me for few brief seconds, mainly to click pics. This is why swimming skills weren't necessary and suited me fine. I was shivering the entire time that I was under. And it was the cold because I was feeling pretty secure in the scuba gear. On comparing notes it turned out that I was the only one feeling cold down there (makes a note to get information about this)

The marine life that you see down there is breath-taking. The water isn't the clearest but I'm not complaining. It is still wow-able. Some of the coral patterns are beautifully symmetrical and the fishes, molluscs, crustaceans are all so colourful. We had around thirty five minutes of underwater time and then the ascent began. I was sad to leave the colour behind but so glad to have taken the memories which will definitely last a lifetime.

Then there was the return journey by boat (not entirely uneventful. A mildly sore arm is something I can live with). After which we dined and left for home. The bus journey was entirely uneventful and I managed some hours of sleep too.

I can't wait to go scuba diving again! But before I do that I resolve that I will learn swimming. Even if it means sacrificing some of my precious movie weekends.

*dedh-footiya - (slang I think) person two n a half feet tall. Hindi.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Simple

A grainy picture, a half smile
A wishful star, a conversation cut short
An impossible promise, an uprooted lie
An echoing dream, an ensemble of a sort

Walked a mile, walked a hundred
Talked a while, held back a million
Rested too long, woke up so late
Sang a silent song to a stray musician

Dreamt sweet dreams, lived bitter reality
Wrote unknown lives, some false, some true
Swung on the trapeze, fell to the safety of the net
All the while waiting, waiting for you

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Weak

A lonely tear glistens in the corner of your eye. That's the only part of you that shines. The rest of you is burnt and ashen. Flames of the sun lick you and scorch your soul. Your soul is leaving bit by bit and now it isn't you; not really. It is only a placeholder. A carefully constructed mirage which looks like you. But it is nothing more than the oxidised remains held together by the sheer will of the left-over soul. A light breeze blows by, threatening to bring down the facade. You survive. You cannot smile at the little victory because you need to maintain appearances. The tear though feels no compunction as it rolls down; down the cheek, down the neck, down to your heart, eroding the ash mercilessly in the process. It leaves an ugly trail, the first chink in the armour.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Now

I'm rusting now. Falling apart. Take me back in time. Back to the start.

Back to the cloudless skies. Back to the warm nights. Back to the lost thoughts. Back to the northern lights.

When worries were taboo. When talking was easy. When happiness was in the now. When the shores were moonlit and breezy.

Monday, February 20, 2012

The wait

She stood on the balcony, gazing at the horizon. It was just after dawn and the sun was reassuringly climbing up. Looking at the mildly orange tinted sky seemed like a necessary thing to do.

Half the world was waking up from the stupor of excessive revelry. The other half was in the throes of wild merry-making and would be waking up to a similar hangover in some hours. It was official and the world was celebrating its continued existence. It had not ended. It was still here; still spinning away at speeds that the human species was too minuscule to experience.

She had been invited to, and had in fact attended, one of the doomsday parties the previous evening. But she had excused herself a few minutes before the countdown had begun. She had walked home and en route to her apartment had heard a few explosions – the very predictable fireworks, almost as if to goad the universe into similar violence.

As she continued staring out at the calm now, her chain of thoughts was broken. Someone seemed to have texted her, again. She had stopped reading after about twenty of the congratulatory and cheerful messages. All of them contriving to showcase the superior sense of humor and good taste of the sender. But the look of irritation on her face changed to surprise when she saw the message. She grabbed her coat and purse and dashed out. Waving down a taxi, she stammered the address - at least the bits that she remembered. The taxi arrived at what looked liked a sorry excuse for an apartment complex. It was newly built and gaudy. The walkway succeeding the gates was lined on either side by hodge-podge of topiaries. The vestibule of the building that she entered had extensive plaster of Paris decorations and cornices which covered almost every surface. She hit the elevator button but quickly realized that it was in need of repairs. She took the stairs and arrived at the apartment number that she remembered. This at least had been easy to remember – three one four. She rang the bell and waited. A seemingly disoriented voice called out, “Who is it?”

“It's me, Aria. You texted that there was something urgent and important, remember?”

“Aria? Aria who?”

“Aria Prasme, your student? You just texted?”

“Oh, did I text you? I didn't mean to. Come in though.”

She pushed the door open which creaked a little in the process. The professor was seated with his back towards her. He seemed to be looking out of the window in a very pause-for-dramatic-effect way. She shook her head slightly and wondered if she had made the right decision in coming. She went closer to the window and instantly recoiled at the stench of alcohol. She considered fleeing the scene for a moment, then gathered her wits and said, “Er.. Professor, what did you mean by you didn't mean to text me?”

“I meant I was trying to text Ashley - Ashley Sceil. But the damn auto-fill changed it. I was - and still am, I think - too out of it to notice.”

She twisted around on her heel facing the door, and then turned back unsure of the protocol, “I can leave.” She had no intention of hanging around. On good days she loathed him and his classes. On bad days she dreaded them.

“Huh? No, you can stay. I suppose I do need to discuss the theory with someone.”

“Professor, you're as you say, out of it. We can discuss your theory in class tomorrow. Goodbye”, she turned to leave.

“Tomorrow could be too late. Please, sit down. I won't take a minute”, and he vanished into his room. He came out five minutes later looking marginally better than before. At least he seemed to have washed the smell of whiskey off of him. She was sitting at the edge of the chair that he had perfunctorily pointed to. He went back to the chair that he was seated in earlier, turned it around and settled back in the same half comatose looking posture.

“So, what is it that can't wait till tomorrow?”

“Aria, this has always been your problem. You do not have one patient bone in you.”

“Professor, I came here to check on you because your text sounded like you were in trouble. If you've called me here to talk about my character flaws, I would be more than happy to call Ashley or anyone else who you think is patient enough to put up with you and your whims”, she was surprised at her new found courage.

“Yes, Ashley works better with me. But that is because he has a more open mind. He's more accepting of new ideas. While you continue to work on the same drudgery and merely enhance the work of the people who have come and gone and you’ll get all the grants and awards and be known to the world. However, this might not come to pass, and hence is of barely any consequence. Also, Ashley isn’t around.”

“You think Ashley is better than me because the answers don't come to me in a dream? Yes, I know all about your little club at the university and how you people think that you're something special because you imagine the answers. Good to see that R.E.M. has at least one use – feeding your already inflated ego. Thank you for the insults. I think I'll be leaving no-”

“Sit down Aria. If you had wanted to leave, you would have done so by now. No, you're much too intrigued as to what I have to say. You might as well listen to it. And we do not dream up the results but they do actually come to us. It'll all be explained-”

“Look, I took your class only because I needed the credit. But now, I don't think it was worth it. Yours is the first class I'll be dropping next semester and-”

“Assuming there is a next semester, you're welcome to do that. Meanwhile, would you be kind enough to fetch my notes from the table there.”

As exasperated as she was, she had to admit that his classes while bordering between the rational and irrational, not to mention being frightful at times were interesting. At least for the people who could stomach horror stories along with his penchant for the dramatic and the need to jump endlessly from one arcane topic to another. She wanted to hear whatever madcap theory he had, so she went over to the table, picked up a sheaf of papers which had been scribbled over extensively, blew the layer of dust on top of them and took them to him.

“It doesn't look like you've done any work on them in the recent past.”

“That's a beautiful term - recent past. It is one of the few oxymora that I actually enjoy. And I've been working out the details in my head. This work that you're holding was done months ago.”

“Okay. So this is pretty heavy. What is it?”

“Calculations, hypotheses, events. All related to what should have happened yesterday and didn't.”

She smirked, “Professor, honestly? You are telling me that your urgent situation that just couldn't wait was a discussion on end of the world?”

“Yes Aria. And I'll tell you my reasons for it. Before that you need to understand something about the sodality which you refer to as the little club. What we do in that club is theorize, debate, calculate the specialties and the generalities of our planet and the universe. The theories, ideas and the answers that we find are mostly through a process called the subconscious awakening. It is exactly what it sounds to be. The answers that we're looking for are buried deep in our subconscious and we need to access it to move ahead.”

“But if that is true, then you're suggesting that we are somehow central to the universe. That we are something special when we clearly are not at the centre of anything. Not our planetary system, not the galaxy and certainly not the universe.”

“That may be and I'm not suggesting that only we are special, am I?”

“You're talking about aliens now?”, she began shaking slightly with laughter, “I should have known. You can jump from one topic to another like quicksilver. Why do I even bother?”

“You bother because you sense there is truth in my hypotheses, however nonsensical they may sound. And because you are searching for the same answers. In fact our entire species is tuned to find out how the universe is ticking.”

How the universe is ticking. Very pop-science-y.”

“Well, pop-science does have its uses. Not everyone can see the universe in terms of equations and invisible atomic components.”

“Yes, I guess not.”

“Okay, so coming back to our discussion, as I was saying, we try and access the subconscious and look for answers there. The sheets are a little disordered, but I did manage to number them. Can you find pages thirty six to fifty?”

After a few minutes of arranging and re-arranging she managed to sort out pages thirty six through fifty, “Here are the pages. What am I looking at?”

“You do know what led to the conclusion that yesterday was the day when it all should have ended? Good. Now, I know that for every million people who trusted the Maina calculations, there were a few thousand who said the calculations were wrong. For whatever reason, sheer skepticism or ignorance or belief in other prophecies. But the fact remains that the predictions were wrong. That is not to say the calculations were wrong.”

“Firstly, you mean the Namas calculations I suppose? And secondly, I don't understand. If the predictions were wrong then stands to reason that the calculations were wrong too.”

“The calculations were precise. Our, or if you prefer their, interpretation of the calculations was wrong. You say Namas but I still say Maina. To explain this, I have to jump - as you put it - to another topic. What do you know of xenoglossy?”

“That it is ridiculous and no one in his or her sane mind acknowledges or credits it as something that can happen without fraudulent manipulations.”

“Very good. Just as I had thought, once again, you're limited by what others think. Xenoglossy as documented is, I'll grant you a whole lot of poppycock. It is however a misunderstood concept. First mistake associated with it is that it is considered to be the proof of re-incarnation in case of believers. In case of skeptics, it has always been made out to be hoax or a byproduct of an underlying mental illness. Both these assumptions are wrong. The seeds of language are already present in the brain of every individual. You must've heard it a million times that the human brain is a remarkable organ. But no one really understands it or even the extent to which it is remarkable.”

“Which language? The seeds of which language”

“All the languages that have been spoken in the human history. Some even consider mathematics to be a language. And it is one of the world's most astoundingly unifying language.”

“And what does this have to do with the Namas-Maina confusion?”

“Look at the first sheet that you're holding, sheet thirty six. In the extreme right hand, you will see five symbols.”


“Yes, what about them?”

“These are the letters from the Maina or Namas alphabet. They spell the name of the civilization that they belong to.”

“So what you're convolutedly trying to say is that those symbols spell Namas

“Or Maina. Now look at the first and the fourth letter.”

“I can't see anything particularly significant about them, except that the first letter looks like the extension of the fourth one.”

“Yes and you know how we write m and n. You append n to itself and you get m. This is the first clue. The letters m and n also occupy the centre of the alphabet that we use. This is pretty much the same in case of this script as well. It would be presumptuous to assume that Maina language so closely resembles our language but this similarity exists in few of the other languages also.”

“Okay, so what we know from this is that the first and fourth letters could be m or n. How do you figure out which is which?”

“We figure that out by looking at the way some of the other words are spelt. Some words are easier to pronounce when spelt with an n instead of an m. For example, plant. If you replace n with m, you get p l a m t - plamt which isn't that easy to say, or as nice to hear. So when you look at other words, you come to the conclusion that the first symbol would have to be M and that fourth symbol would have to be N. Proceeding similarly, we get other letters and they combine to spell Maina. Now coming back to what I was telling you about xenoglossy. We have something called as the language loop in our brains. This is what helps us in deciphering and responding to languages. By stimulating the right portion of this language loop can trigger an understanding of languages which a person has never consciously learnt. This stimulation can be remote or local. In case of remote stimulation, we use our subconscious.”

“And the local method?”

“Hooking up the brain to electrodes, of course.”

“Of course. Look, it all sounds mumbo jumbo to me. Something right out of a sci-fi movie.”

“Look around you. You're living in a sci-fi movie. The things that have been achieved today would have been inconceivable a decade ago. I know how clichéd it sounds but it's the truth nonetheless.”

“Fine, I'll try to keep an open mind at least for the next few inevitable hours. So what does this have to do with end of the world? Why the long lecture about xenoglossy”

“Because that is how we, the members of the sodality, discovered Maina. We were able to hit the right spot of the brain and understand or rather recognize the letters, syntax, phonetics of the Maina.”

“But why specifically Maina, why not any of the other ancient languages?”

“It will become clear eventually. For one thing, Maina isn't a single language. It is a bunch of languages which sound alike, something akin to dialects. So, each of us was handed a mixture of some of these languages; as if to help solve an elaborate jigsaw puzzle. And it happened like what happens to carrier pigeons. Each of us kind of homed in on the Maina languages. It was like our brains were radio receivers tuned to specific Maina frequencies. Anyway, once that happened, we began deciphering the calculations and the writings that were available to us. A few weeks ago, we combined the results and that is what constitutes the contents of the sheets that you're holding. You can read through them. Or I can give you a pop-science-y summary of what's in there.”

“I prefer reading through.”

“Sure. Meanwhile, I must apologize for being a terrible host. I haven't offered you anything. Would you like some breakfast?”

“Thank you, but no. I'm not particularly hungry. I can have some tea though, if you can manage it.”

“Of course. I'll put the kettle on. You can use the table there to peruse the sheets.”

Fifteen minutes and two cups of tea later, she looked up from the sheets, “This is all very impressive and I concede that it might be even possible – the xenoglossy bit. But how do you account for the fact that we are still here? The world has not ended, has it?”

“You do not have the complete picture. I told you that these calculations were done months ago. Since then I’ve been working out the remaining bits in my head. I haven’t had time to put them on paper, simply because there is too much information flowing in since the past few weeks. It’s like a floodgate has opened. Any time I shut my eyes, I see Maina tablets and numbers. Ashley was sent to the epicenter to try and make sense out of the whole thing.”

“Epicenter?”

“The supposed site of Maina civilization’s existence. Of course, if the findings that we’ve made so far are correct, then there never was a Maina civilization to begin with.”

“Hold up! What?”

“You heard me. There never was a Maina civilization. Not in the sense in which civilizations exist at least. There has been no evidence of any civilization-like activities. No trade routes, no earthenware, no weapons, and not even basic house structures. All that the Maina people seemed to do was build temples and write – a lot.”

“And you tell me this now? Any theories?”

“Several. I’ll tell you about the one that I think is most probable. One of the recurring themes of the Maina scriptures was end of the Earth. Very specifically of the Earth, not the solar system or the universe. I think it is the Maina who have been causing it.”

“Have been causing it, meaning causing end of the Earth. You are talking in present continuous.”

“I’m talking about the extinctions that have taken place over the years.”

“You think they were man-made events caused by a civilization which never existed. That sentence is the mother of all what’s wrong with this picture? questions.”

“I never said man-made. I do not believe they belong to Earth.”

“But they leave behind clues about the impending destruction of Earth? What is that supposed to mean? That they are a bunch of sadistic serial-killer aliens?”

“Could be. But I would think that they need us to observe the universe. Over all the cycles, they discard the results and start afresh when we do not seem to be giving the right results.”

“So, the Maina are experimenting on us? Like the mice from that book?”, and she began laughing.

“I don’t know what they are but I’m positive of two things – they are not from the Earth and they need us to study the universe. To what end, I’ve no clue, as yet. One other thing that I’ve managed to decipher is about the extinctions.”

“You mean you think you know what wiped out the dinosaurs?”

“I mean I think I know what wiped out our species.”

“Is that a riddle? Or are you talking about cyclical time?”

“It has to do with time. There are cycles certainly. Cyclical time could be a possibility. But I think not. You see what the scriptures seem to imply is that every time the Maina people slash beings slash call-them-what-you-will decide to discard the results that they have found, indirectly through us, they end the existence of earth - but not physically. The Earth continues to exist in space but not in time.”

“And how do they do that? I’ve been trying to keep up with you till now. But this goes a few kilometers over my head.”

“I haven’t worked out all the details yet. But this is what everything that we’ve worked on so far seems to suggest. You know about space-time as well as any of us. You know about time dilation and all the related theories. I’m not able to figure out the specifics of this attack – if you can call it that.”

“But I’ve looked at the calculations in your sheets. If they are accurate, the event should have taken place some months ago.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it? The calendar and the numbers are not accurate. An analogy might help. The writings that we have seem to have a protective shield. Only it projects into the minds of the observers. Every time we get close to the answer, the calculations go haywire and become fuzzy. Like the stealth shields. Keeps the core from being detected. I had to send Ashley to the main site to read the tablets. That seemed to be the only way to find out the missing puzzle pieces.”

“Seems like a good enough plan. You can discuss the rest with Ashley on his return. I don’t see why you had to have this talk today.”

“Because even though the final piece is missing, we can still form a picture. The Maina have waited long enough and the cycle is going to repeat, soon. And I cannot discuss it with Ashley on his return because he has gone missing.”

She was at her wit’s end, “I don’t understand. Missing? Were you at all planning to tell me this?”

“As a matter of fact, no. I did not want to tell you this. It is upsetting news but he’ll turn up eventually. He’s vital to the work that we do.”

“What can we do?”

“What we’ve been doing ever since the beginning of time. We wait.”

And then the clock chimed twelve. The day was twenty second December, 14012.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Hey, did you hear?

It's all coiled up. Like a tightly wound spring. A better simile would be that of the cobra with its hood raised. Because it's venomous. Because it's potent. Because it's a survival tactic. But a spring works just as well. All that potential energy that we studied at school. Just waiting to be realized. Waiting with the ticks of the clock that houses it. Of course with each tick the energy is lessened. Timing is everything. It has to be timed to do the maximum damage. It's all forgotten of course. Except by the initiator. He remembers and the guilt of it eats away at him. And then it spreads. Like a shadow. The darkness in midst of the light. It amuses, excites, shocks, bores different people with varying degrees of intensity. It helps people bond. It makes people sever all ties. It's the gossamer of gossip.